According to the World Health Organization, 301 million people in the world were struggling with anxiety disorders (including panic disorders) in 2019. This number seems to have increased compared to earlier numbers and continue growing every year. While struggling with anxiety doesn’t always equal to panic attacks, very often people suffering from anxiety disorders tend to be at an increased risk of experiencing them. Among the different forms of anxiety disorders, panic attacks are quite common… You may even have seen this happen to a loved one.
This can be quite scary for the person experiencing it, but also for the person by their side. You might not have known how to react, what is the right thing to say or how best to help the person in front of you at the time. This sudden and overwhelming wave of fear and panic can take hold of both the mind and body at any moment, which might have made you feel unprepared and caught off-guard.
In moments like these, the best thing you can offer is calm, support, and understanding. Knowing how to help someone with a panic attack can make a huge difference for them. Here’s how.
What is a panic attack and how does it feel like?
For someone having a panic attack, the experience can be terrifying. It is even more scary if this is the first time the person experience one. Among the main symptoms, you’ll find the following : their heart might race, they could be out of breath and unable to calm down, they could feel dizzy, nauseous, or even feel like they’re losing control completely depending on the level of the attack.
If it’s the first time they experience one, they might mistake it for a heart attack or have the feeling that something bad is about to happen, even if there’s no clear reason. It’s essential to understand that the fear is very real to them. In the midst of this attack, their body is reacting as if they’re in danger, even though they most likely are not. This is where you come in : your role is to be their anchor during this storm.
What are the best ways to help someone with a panic attack?
Imagine spending some time with a friend, a partner or a family member, and suddenly they start showing signs of anxiety or panic. You might have so many questions on how best to handle the situation. Let us share with you some practical steps and ideal behaviour that can bring relief in this situation:
Stay Calm and Grounded
From the moment you start noticing the first clues of a panic attack, your calmness will be vital. If they sense you’re anxious or agitated, it might heighten their own fear. Take a deep breath yourself, keep your voice down and soft, and focus on being a calm presence for them.
Ask What They Need
If the person is able to communicate, one of the best things you can do is simply ask: “What can I do to help you right now?” They might have specific needs — some people might want space, while others might prefer comfort in the form of a gentle hand on their back or holding their hand. Respect their wishes, and follow their lead.
Help Them Breathe
One of the most effective ways to reduce the intensity of a panic attack is to focus on slowing down their breathing. If you are in a busy environment, try to move them to a calmer area or ask people to give them space. Then, gently guide them to take slow and deep breaths. You can say something like, “Let’s try breathing together—inhale slowly for 4 seconds, hold it for a moment, and exhale slowly.” Don’t hesitate to demonstrate this yourself, so you can offer them something to mimic.
Counting out loud next to them might help as well. But very often, just offering your calm, steady breath for them to follow might be enough.
Reassure Them They’re Safe
Remind the person, kindly and repeatedly, that they are safe. A soothing phrase like, “You’re safe here. I’m here with you,” can help ground them. It can also create a sense of security. Make sure to keep your tone soft and reassuring — don’t underestimate the power of a couple of calming words. Sometimes, it is all they need.
Guide Them to Focus on Their Surroundings
Once you slowly manage to help them breathe at a more normal pace, you can move on to the next phase : reconnecting. Helping them reconnect with the present moment can bring them out of the overwhelming spiral of panic. The most popular technique, often called the rule of 333, helps anchor the person back into reality.
To use this rule of 333, you could gently guide them to focus on tangible things around them. You could start asking them to name three things they can see, then 3 things they can hear and finally 3 small movements they can make. This brings their attention away from the racing thoughts and back to the “here and now”, their surrounding and their own body.
Stay With Them Until It Passes
Panic attacks can last anywhere from a few minutes to half an hour, though they can feel much longer to the person going through it. Stay with them until it passes, offering gentle encouragement or silence—whichever they need. If they prefer to sit or lie down, make sure they’re in a comfortable position.
Offer Support After the Attack
Once the panic attack starts to ease, it is essential not to rush them into moving on. Give them the time they need without pressure or judgement. Panic attacks can leave someone feeling drained and vulnerable. Offer them water or a snack, give them time to rest, and ask how they’re feeling. Sometimes a little extra comfort after the attack passes can mean just as much as the help during it.
If they’re comfortable and calmer, you can gently encourage them to talk to someone — a friend, a therapist, or even a support group — about what they’re going through. Let them know it’s okay to seek help. However, be careful NOT to push this conversation during or immediately after the panic attack. Instead, be a supportive ear, a quiet presence or whatever else they need you to be at that moment.
Photo by Solving Healthcare on Unsplash
What Not to Do: Things to Avoid
While your intentions might be good, there are certain things that could accidentally make the situation worse. Here’s what not to do when you help someone with a panic attack:
Don’t Minimize Their Experience
As previously stated, the fear and anxiety coming from a panic attack is real to the person experiencing it, even if it seems illogical from the outside. Therefore, avoid saying things like “Just calm down” or “You’re overreacting”. These types of phrasing can feel dismissive and make the person feel ashamed or misunderstood. Acknowledge what they’re feeling without discrediting it.
Don’t Force Physical Contact
While a comforting touch might help some, others could feel overwhelmed by it. It could create an overload of information and stimuli, that might make them even more scared or uncomfortable. Always ask permission before forcing physical comfort like a hug or a touch on the shoulder. If they say no, respect their boundaries — your presence alone is helpful.
Don’t Rush Them
Panic attacks run their course in their own time. There are no rules on their duration, their intensity or else. Telling someone to “get over it” or “move on” can make them feel pressured, anxious, and even guilty for what they’re going through. Let the moment unfold naturally, and be patient.
Avoid Problem-Solving
Panic attacks aren’t always logical, and they often don’t have a quick fix. Rather than trying to solve the problem, focus on being by their side in the moment. After the attack passes, they might be more open to talking or finding ways to cope in the future, but while it is happening, problem-solving can feel overwhelming.
Final Thoughts: Your Kindness Matters
Panic attacks are deeply personal, often overwhelming, and incredibly isolating for the person going through them. By offering your support in a calm, compassionate, and non-judgmental way, you can help them feel less alone and more grounded. Your kindness, patience, and presence can make all the difference in a difficult moment.
Always remember, helping someone through a panic attack isn’t about fixing the problem; it’s about being there, listening, and offering warmth when they need it most.
Disclaimer: The Dear Stranger team is not composed of mental health professionals. The content, advice, and tips shared in our blog are based on research and are intended to provide a supportive space with information that may be helpful. For professional guidance, we encourage you to consult a qualified therapist, doctor, or mental health specialist. You are not alone—support is available. 💙
