Self-confidence — it’s one of those things we often admire in others, yet sometimes struggle to find within ourselves. But here’s the good news: confidence isn’t something you’re born with. It’s a skill you can build, nurture, and grow over time. Just like any other muscle, your confidence can flourish with a little patience, practice, and self-compassion. So, let’s talk about how you can begin strengthening your own self-confidence through some shifts of the mind and a couple of exercises.
What Is Self-Confidence, Really?
At its core, self-confidence means believing in your own abilities, trusting that you can handle challenges that life is throwing at you, and knowing that you have inherent worth, regardless of external circumstances. Let’s make it clear that it’s not about being perfect or having all the answers. Instead, it’s about feeling secure in who you are and what you’re capable of, even when things get tough.
And the beauty of it is that confidence grows with time and practice. Here is how…
How to Build Confidence Over Time
Building self-confidence isn’t a one-size-fits-all nor a linear process, and it certainly doesn’t happen overnight. But there are small, gentle steps you can take to start developing that inner belief in yourself. Baby steps… Here are a few ways to begin:
Celebrate the Wins, Big or Small
Confidence grows with success. Each time you achieve something, no matter how small, take a moment to celebrate it. Did you speak up in a meeting? That’s a win. Did you make a new friend or complete a challenging task? That’s a win too. Did you realise one of your long time dream/goal? This is also a win! Recognising your achievements, regardless of how small or big they are, helps to slowly shift your mindset from self-doubt to self-belief.
Be Kind to Yourself
While a lot of us are concerned about how others think of us, we’re ironically often our own worst critics. Negative self-talk like “I’m not good enough,” “I’ll never get this right”, “I’m so stupid” and so on, can really chip away at our confidence. Instead, practice self-compassion. When you make a mistake or feel down on yourself, try to ask yourself, “What would I say to a friend in this situation?”. Go easy on yourself. Building confidence means building a positive relationship with yourself, so don’t forget to also grant yourself some kindness, cheerful words and comforting ones.
Challenge Negative Thoughts
Self-doubt often creeps in through negative thinking. When you catch yourself saying things like, “I can’t do this” or “I’m not smart enough,” pause for a minute and challenge those thoughts. Ask yourself, “Is this thought really true? Is there evidence that supports it?” Often, you’ll find that those negative thoughts are actually more based on fear than facts.
Focus on Your Strengths
We all have things we’re good at, but sometimes we forget to acknowledge them or we tend to minimise them. Take some time to reflect on your strengths — whether it’s your ability to listen, your creativity, your empathy or your perseverance. Focusing on what you’re good at reminds you of your value. It tends to help boost confidence in areas where you may feel less sure of yourself.
Exercises to Help You Build Self-Confidence
Now, let’s dive into a couple of practical exercises that you can try to help nurture your self-confidence. These are simple, but powerful, tools to help you shift your mindset and step into a more confident version of yourself.
Exercise 1: The “Confidence Journal”
Journaling has been on the rise for a couple of years, including when it comes to mental health. No surprise, that it can also be a wonderful way to reflect on your progress and boost your self-esteem. Here’s how to get started:
Step 1: Each day, write down three things you accomplished. They can be as simple as “I got out of bed”, “I finished a project”, “I helped someone” or “I went out of my comfort zone”.
Step 2: Next to each accomplishment, write how it made you feel (It made me feel happy, useful, valued, motivated, proud, etc.)
Step 3: Every couple of weeks, look back on your previous entries. Notice how your confidence grows with each small step. You might even realise that it gets easier and easier to find things to add to this list every day. The goal of this exercise ultimately is to help you see your wins on paper, and reinforces your abilities.
Exercise 2: The “Power Pose” Practice to boost your self-confidence
Body language plays a huge role in how confident we feel. A simple way to boost confidence in the moment is by adopting what’s called a “power pose.” Here’s how it works:
Step 1: Stand tall with your feet shoulder-width apart, place your hands on your hips or raise your arms in a ‘V’ shape.
Step 2: Hold this position for 2 minutes, breathing deeply and visualising yourself as confident and capable.
Step 3: As you hold the pose, repeat a positive affirmation like “I’ve got this” or “I am enough.” Studies have shown that power posing can actually make you feel more confident and reduce stress before entering challenging situations.
Exercise 3: The “Compliment Collection”
Sometimes, gaining confidence is just about realising how much others value us as opposed to how we view ourselves. This exercise is a wonderful way to remind yourself of your strengths by collecting positive feedback from the people in your life. Here’s how to do it:
Step 1: Keep a small notebook or open a note on your phone titled “Compliment Collection.”
Step 2: Whenever someone gives you a compliment, whether it’s about your personality, work, or how you’ve helped them, write it down. Even if it feels small or casual, add it to your collection.
Step 3: On days when self-doubt sneaks in, open your “Compliment Collection” and read through the kind words others have shared about you. This exercise helps shift your perspective, reminding you that others see your strengths, even when you may struggle to see them yourself. It tends to help reinforce your worth and abilities, providing a tangible reminder of your value when you need it most.
Trust the Process: Self-Confidence Grows Over Time
Remember, building self-confidence is a journey, not a destination. There will be ups and downs, days when you feel on top of the world and days when doubt creeps back in. And that’s okay. This is part of the process. Therefore, the most important thing is to keep showing up for yourself, keep practicing, and keep celebrating your progress.
You’re capable, you’re worthy, and you have everything it takes to become the most confident version of yourself. Trust the process, be patient, and remember— you are enough, exactly as you are.
Final words…
Confidence isn’t about being fearless : it’s about knowing you can handle whatever comes your way, one step at a time. So, take that first step today, because you deserve to feel confident, empowered, and proud of who you are.
Disclaimer: The Dear Stranger team is not composed of mental health professionals. The content, advice, and tips shared in our blog are based on research and are intended to provide a supportive space with information that may be helpful. For professional guidance, we encourage you to consult a qualified therapist, doctor, or mental health specialist. You are not alone—support is available. 💙
